Every January I sit down and map out my goals for the year. Chances are, you do too.
For most of my adult life, these goals were centered on exercise, nutrition, finances and work.
When I became a sexologist, I started incorporating sex and relationship goals too. It’s been a game-changer.
I realized, however, that while many of you want to be a better partner and have better sex, setting specific goals to achieve them is a challenge. Perhaps it feels unnatural. Perhaps you don’t even know where to begin.
So to kick off 2025, I want to set you up for success by teaching you how to be proactive about your intimate life, set goals that matter, and make them happen.
It’s been clinically proven that a happy long-term relationship can improve one’s health and quality of life. It’s also been proven that better sex leads to happier relationships.
Of course, this looks different for each of us. Understand what you want, and why you want it, by asking yourself the right questions.
Below are more questions to guide you. Feel free to add your own as you reflect, and switch “we” or “I” to whatever suits your situation.
Many of these questions come from our Mindful Intimacy Card Deck. If you’re interested, check it out here.
If you’ve spent enough time on the internet, you’ve likely come across the midwit meme. It highlights how we opt for complex solutions rather than simple, obvious ones because they sound better.
We overcomplicate and set ourselves up for failure. So how can this be avoided? By taking the simple ideas seriously.
Here’s how you get there:
Let’s say your goal is to have better, more connected sex with your partner in 2024.
How would you ensure you’d have bad sex?
Great, so now let’s reframe them. How would you avoid having bad sex?
You’ve broken down your goal into simple, realistic steps. Now you need to make them intuitively measurable to track your progress.
Let’s take action #1 – talking to your partner about sex. Your actionable steps would be:
The same goes for trying new things in bed.
See how these steps are realistic, specific and measurable? This is what you want to apply to your goals.
Renowned psychologist Esther Perel said that the quality of your life is measured by the quality of your relationships. Being proactive by nurturing and prioritizing your sexual relationship is a surefire way to achieve a happy, healthy partnership.
Every week sexologist Natassia Miller offers tips, strategies and resources to improve your sex life and relationship.
Smart advice on sex, desire, and modern relationships—delivered every Sunday.Written by sexologist Natassia Miller, for people who want more.
